1/14/11 Determination......

I saw a quote last night while I was watching the biggest loser (DVR). It said It's not about winning or losing, it is about fixing what is broken. I have thought a lot about that since that moment and decided it truly does fit where I feel I am at in my life. I feel like I am broken. So now I have to soul search and see if I can find what makes me feel that way and try to fix it and move forward. There are so many points in my life over the last 34 years that I could truly say that I felt broke. Dont get me wrong. I was very loved. I couldnt have asked for my parents to love me any more than they did. But being adopted, sometimes made me feel as if I were thrown away. Like I was never wanted in the beginning and that my parents who were originally my grandparents got stuck with me. Heaven help me if either of them ever heard me say that and they would tell you they chose me. But I always wondered if they missed what they were missing in their "Golden Years" they spent them raising me. I am so very thankful for them. i truly feel blessed to have had them as such a wonderful part of my life. But I think being adopted made me feel broken. I wonder if I had been adopted by someone I didnt know if I would have felt any differently. Or If I would have still felt like they got stuck with me. My Mom used to tease me when I would say that...telling me that she got stuck with 6 kids....they chose me. :) I have always felt like I had to struggle with my weight. If I was upset about something I would eat. Everyone in my family was a little overweight....except my mom. So it was normal for me.....being over 200 lbs should not feel normal to most people. It sure doesnt feel normal to me anymore. It is driving me crazy....I didnt get much of anything done yesterday....I was pretty much exhausted from lack of sleep so I felt sluggish all day. Which means I didnt eat right...I didnt exercise and I gained a lb....but today I refuse to back down. I am determined to fix what is broken within me and love me for me.