Just another day!

Today was just another day, not nearly enough hours in the day and way too much to do. I ate things that I shouldnt have, didnt exercise and basically just said well there is always tomorrow. But tomorrow isnt going to get me on the path to healthy today. Why do I not care about me? Why am I not important enough to worry about myself? Why exactly is that? That is the question of the moment. Just another something for me to work on. Lets add that to the list of a million things wrong with me.

Beef

Dinner with a friend.... Great time, great company, great food. Wings vs. Salad...come on it was beef o bradys, it will be wings hands down. Honey BBQ wings with fries and sweet tea. Yeah.. Not the best dieting decision I have ever made...but the company and the conversation were a good choice. Conversation was easy for the most part. This friend pushes me beyond my comfort zones and makes me look at things differently that what I normally would have. He makes me second guess complete thought processes and why I  have those thoughts in the first place. He doesn't really push me, he puts these inclinations in my mind and then I have to think about them and why I am the way I am. At times I am ok with that and other times it makes me really uncomfortable. Our conversations are never dull. So if I had to eat a million wings to have the conversation then that is what I would do because I am very thankful for the friendship. Today it was ok to gain some weight to maybe lose some weight off the shoulders.

Excuses

I certainly have my share of excuses. I am tired, I dont feel good, I have a headache, thats too hard. If I wanted to get healthy I mean REALLY wanted to..you would think I would do something about it. Not have Hardees for lunch, not get such a MONSTER burger. I would get off my behind and do something about it. But I seem to always have excuses. About EVERYTHING! Its like I want to have my leg chopped off or not be able to see, or have a heart attack. Are these the moments I wish upon myself. THey must be, because guess what I had for lunch today.That MONSTER burger from Hardees, a large fry and a large sweet tea. Yeah, all of that helps my blood sugar stay down. If I didnt know better, I would swear I was trying to kill myself. Thats what I would say about anyone else, so why not say it about myself? I went 1170 calories over my daily budget today... WTH? and that was by lunch time. So what am I going to do about it. I am going to go walk for 20 minutes, I am going to do 50 crunches and do a biggest loser workout. I did the crime now I have to pay the consequences. Are they enough probably not. But you know what TOMORROW is a NEW DAY! My Goal for tomorrow is to get up by 6am,take my thrive, slap on that dft, walk 20 minutes, do stair steps every time I get near the bottom step, do a biggest loser workout, and some meditation. To eat a little more nutritious. Most of all to have a better attitude about myself. I am worth my time. I am enough!

Welcome to TODAY!

I ran across this quote this morning on my new FAVORITE site. It said Welcome to Today... Another Day, Another Chance! FEEL FREE TO CHANGE! It seemed like an invitation. We should approach every day with the vision for change. We have been taking the Dave Ramsey course and it has been an eye opener/smack in the face. We are starting to really see the benefits of CHANGE. Every day is a new day for me to wake up and see something new about today and something I might could have done better from the day before. I started my diet back today. No one is going to take care of me the way I can take care of me. What good will I be to other people if I dont take care of me! Just some random thoughts!

Definitions~

I am so frustrated with myself.... I cant seem to stick with a diet and exercise plan long enough to make it a lifestyle change... life gets in the way. I seem to have no willpower, my determination seems to disappear with with my confidence when I let myself down. I have to figure this out...This is not who I am,But lately I have let it define me....Now I have to define myself.....so on to looking for questions to ask myself to try and define who I am and where I want to go and who I want to be!

Yet another start.....

This morning I got up and was completely unhappy with the way I feel about myself. I feel like I have just let myself go..Like I dont care about me anymore...When did that happen. When did I start worrying about what other people thought of me so much that I let them run over me. I have gained back up to 222.2lbs I feel disgusted with myself. I feel like I have just given up. I started thinking about this today....Who am I....So I am going to start over...(AGAIN). I am going to try to discover who I am, what I want to do with my life. If I am not happy with myself, how can I expect someone else to be happy with me? I really can't. And I am currently not happy with a whole lot of things about me. I am not happy with the way I have disregarded my relationships with the people who love me and that I have just taken for granted would always be there for me.I am good at telling other people to not let things get to them..for them not to be disheartened...but I dont take my own advice. I have always been better at taking care of other people than I have at taking care of myself. I need to work on that. I let my desk get so cluttered and the office so overwhelmed that I hated even walking thru it to get to the kitchen..much less spending time in here. Well today I started fixing that. I cleared off and organized my desk. I have a bunch of paperwork to file...but it is at least organized and not overwhelming. Tomorrow I think I will tackle my bedroom. I have pretty much just gotten so depressed that I have given up on everything. It doesnt ever seem to be easy....I guess that is what happens when you try to take on the world and make it better....you end up with 5 adults and 8 children all under one roof. Its hard. I know that God will never put us where he cant or wont sustain us..but sometimes I wonder if some of it was really God...or me. I am always a sucker...I always want to help the hurting...not realizing at the time that it will hurt me or my husband. He is the same way...which can be a lethal combination. But we are managing most of the time....I need some things to change in the coming year. I have come to realize that I am the only one who can change them...Now to figure out how. Tonight I went to the gym...wasnt there long but at least it was a start. I know this is probably a ramble...but they are random thoughts that I needed to say. Maybe I will try to put some things in perspective tomorrow and try to set some goals.... we shall see.

Creating Myself

"Life isn't about finding yourself--life is about creating yourself." ~George Bernard Shaw So I got some things accomplished today...not nearly what I had wanted to but more than I had hoped. That sounds crazy but it is the way my mind works. I set these crazy high expectations of myself and then get upset when I dont make them instead of being thankful that I accomplished something. I managed to go to the gym, run an errand for momma, and go to the grocery store. Did I last the whole 2 hours that I wanted to at the gym...nope...but I did last 20 minutes on the bike and go 3.56 miles on a random setting, that went up and down hills. I havent been to the gym in forever so why cant I be proud of myself for making the effort to go...maybe if I get up and make it there tomorrow. I managed to eat somewhat healthier today but have beat myself up for eating 2 doughnuts this morning before deciding that I was going to the gym. I started clearing my desk and working on my list for tomorrow...then I got distracted...so my desk didnt get cleaned off. But I should be proud of all the paper that got sorted and ready for filing and the trash that got thrown away. I started cleaning out my closet today, but didnt have the chance to finish it...it is on my list for tomorrow. I was completely disgusted with myself this morning when I got on the scale and saw that I was back up to 225lbs. I read a statement the other day that a friend of ours wrote on his page about all these women who complain about their weight and never get off their buts to do anything about it. I dont want to be that person. so I only lasted 20 minutes today...maybe tomorrow will be 30. I am the only one who can change me... I feel like I get caught up in stupid stuff and lose my focus on what I should be doing...I feel like....oh wait, I see a butterfly. REALLY! but that is how I feel. I have to work on that. tomorrow is a new page in this book, I am going to bed early with the hopes of getting up and starting a little earlier and creating the day I hope for!