Well I got on the scale this morning and pretty much feel like I have slapped myself in the face. I have been pretty good at convincing myself that as long as I didnt gain any weight that I would be ok with myself. Yes I want to lose weight but cant seem to find the motivation to do anything about it. Well maybe this morning was the turning point in that little thinking....because i got on the scale and I was 227.4 lbs....hello I have GAINED 5 lbs this week....wth was I thinking....or eating...wait I have pretty much been eating everything in site. NOT COOL! So I got dressed and decided to actually try to make a concious effort to journal everything I was putting into my body. i hope that I dont let it get this bad again. I just feel like it doesnt matter what i do I cant seem to get past 220 again. I get there and I flucuate between 220 and 223. until this week and I GAINED 5 lbs. I am sick of being the fat girl. I am sick of not being able to breathe when I lay down at night. I AM SICK OF FEELING UGLY! I used to look in the mirror even as a big girl and feel somewhat pretty. Now I feel disgusted when I look in the mirror. I dont want to be super skinny, I just want to be healthy and feel good about myself and the way I look. So here I go again!
I weighed 227.4 For Brunch (i didnt wake up til 10 because we had company until 4am) I had pancakes, with a tbsp butter, and sugar free syrup and a small glass of milk. 384 calories.....so far no exercise today yet other than a little house work....but the day is not over......and so far no water...but I am about to remedy that.... I hope everyone is having a great day! Please pray for me as I am about to embark on this journey once again that I can keep up with the struggles and not feel defeated!
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