I was reminded of the scene from The Mexican {Julia Roberts; Brad Pitt, James Gandolfini} – when Julia looks over to James Gandolfini’s hit man character and asks, “If two people REALLY love each other, but they just can’t seem to get it together…when do you get to that point of enough is enough?”
And Gandolfini looks at Jules and in his rather larger than life Sopranos Perfected accent says, quite simply, “Never.”
So my pebble today is going to be to believing myself. I have had a hard time doing that lately. I know that I should and I know that noone else is really able to do this if I dont do it for myself. So today I am going to start the day believing in me. Believing that I can do this. I can live this life and get what I want and to where I want to be. Over the past few years most other people in my shoes would quite quickly tell you that they had had enough....a few times I would have told you that as well. But my heart always told me differently. I am thankful that I listened to my heart instead of my head. There have been times in my life that I have wondered if that was the right thing to do. I have wondered if that was the SANE thing for me to do...
There are 2 things in my life that I am absolutely certain about....there is no doubt...OK now that I am trying to pick just 2....there are so many more than that....
First and foremost I am completely certain that I have the most amazing husband who is so much more to me than JUST a husband. He shares my dreams and pushes me daily toward them....all the while being the solid rock that holds me together, at the same time he is the soft place to fall if I slip...Amazing doesnt even begin to describe him....
Secondly....Photography is so much more than a job for me...it truly is a passion. It is the one thing that I will never give up on... It is something that I will always strive to be better at. I have always loved taking pictures...but the moment that made that made that reality a dream was in 2003 when one of my best friends visited me in Phenix City, Al with her boys. We took them to the riverwalk and took some pictures (on a film camera) and I couldnt wait to get them developed there was one specific photo that I was absolutely excited about. The older one was climbing on the bridge looking over and he leaned back and held his had out for his little brother to climb up.....it was the pivotal moment that I absolutely knew that photography of some sort would always be a dream for me. A lot of things happened in the new few years after that, My life was completely changed....Divorced, to a bad relationship, to a new relationship to married again. In 2008, My husband bought me a Sony Alpha 350... that man and that camera have since changed my whole outlook on life. That dream has morphed into a reality. Since then he has bought me 2 more cameras. First a Nikon D60 and most recently a D90 for Valentines day. Photography is no longer a dream...IT IS A REALITY! Something I never thought would happen but he did that for me.
Thirdly I have the most amazing family and friends a girl could EVER ask for. I have a set of very close friends that are more like family and then recently have extended that realm to include some fabulous photographers that have taught me soooooooo much in the last few months. More than I ever could have imagined....Do I know ALL there is about PHOTOGRAPHY...ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! I hope I never do. I know more today than I knew last week...Heck I know more about photography today than I did yesterday. I hope it always stays that way. I hope I learn something new every day....something new about Myself, About My love, About my life, and about PHOTOGRAPHY! I honestly dont think Enough will EVER be Enough in these areas of my life. These are the things that I live for...the reasons I get out of bed every day....the very breath of my existence....I wouldnt change them for the world.
I am worth every effort I put into myself. I only get one chance at this life.....I intend to make the most of it. Thank you Shane Allen Oates... for all that you are, for all that you allow me to be....and for loving me regardless.....ENOUGH WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH for me when it comes to you and to us....I Love you BIG! FOREVER!
Speaking of efforts I am putting into myself. I lost 3 more lbs. I am currently at 215.2. I am so excited...I cant even remember when the last time I weighed 215 was. I dont want to be super skinny....I dont want to even be considered skinny...that is nowhere near my goal. I want to be healthy. I want to be able to breathe when I lay down at night.....I want to be able to run from 1 block to the next without falling on my face and dying from exhaustion..... I want to be able to climb mountains and take pictures from the most beautiful views. I want to be able to run after a toddler and get the best pictures...I just want to be healthy....I feel like maybe just maybe I am finally on the track to healthy....A girl can dream right.....I was around 255 when I started this journey last year....A roller coaster ride...my highest was about 280 i think a few years ago....15 more pounds and I will be out of the 200's..... I am so ready!!!! I can do this....I will do this...I am worth it....We are worth it....Life is mine for the living and I want to live every moment of it!!!!
Thank you Casie for reminding me this morning that Enough is never enough....and thank you Shane for continuing to remind me daily that ENOUGH WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH!!!
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